Tuscan Village?

So that outing to The Arches went as well as those who know me predicted it would. I came away with a headache, a new-found admiration for the parking skills of my fellow humans and a promise to NEVER, EVER go to an outlet center again. Oh, and no, thanks for asking, I didn't buy anything either.
I knew it was a bad idea when I sat for twenty minutes waiting to get into the car park. I knew I should have turned around and gone home when the sales assistant on handbags at Saks said "Ignore those special offer prices, there's nothing here at that price. I don't know why they're priced like that, I'm waiting to speak to the manager. Oh, but you can take 20% off any handbag"...? But it was when I heard the sound of a German oompah band playing live on the Via Firenze that I knew I'd come unstuck.
Best overheard remark from two shoppers looking over the home decor section at Neiman Marcus: What's the quickest way from here to T.J. Maxx?"